


i missed you.

by muted



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Lust to love, M/M, sad sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:01:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22042228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muted/pseuds/muted
Summary: hehe watch ‘SIMON SAYS’ MV by NCT 127 to see why I chose that phrase on the ring.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun & Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno
Comments: 21
Kudos: 60





	1. i

jeno looks over at his beloved.. his angel, renjun, with a gaze that strikes him in awe once again. 

“what’s this?” renjun picks up the small bag that jeno sets in front of him. 

“open it” jeno smiles, anticipation growing in his heart as his leg starts bouncing up and down at the dining table. renjun pulls out the white tissue papers that flutters on top and gently grabs a smaller box inside. 

“is this..” he doesn’t finish his sentence and jeno doesn’t respond, still waiting for renjun to completely unwrap the gift. 

a ring. jeno bites his lips with a more worried look held on his face as renjun stays silent. 

“what does this say...?” renjun squints and reads slowly, ‘bellísimo’?” renjun slides it in his finger. perfect fit, of course.

“it means ‘very beautiful’ in french” jeno softly responds, still worried for renjun’s final thoughts. 

after their breakup, renjun seemed more sensitive to the world. Everything hurt. It was as if the pain of the separation had opened up a wound and everything around him— his world in all its violence— came rushing in through the gates of hell. and it was all because of jeno.

“you can’t just—“ he sobs, hand held over his mouth in shock because they’re _in public_ , “w-why would you...”

“I- renjun, you’re sad and-“ he gets cut off abruptly by renjun’s harsh voice.

“im sad?! oh no, it’s not like the person I’ve loved and loved and just _gave_ everything to with all my heart decided it was okay to just up and leave all of a sudden two months ago and then come back with a whole ass _ring_?! yeah for sure-“

“renjun, listen to me. take a deep breath, just breathe for a moment” renjun obligates, shutting his eyes softly while breathing in through his nose and exhales deeply. jeno watches him, eyeing his long eyelashes that show off his concealer.. hiding the dark bags of days hidden behind doors, unable to sleep. 

jeno glances at renjun’s soft skin, reminding him of when he could so easily just peck a soft kiss. he realizes renjun is _so so_ close but so, so far away. jeno also decides to breathe in and out, stopping himself from welling up unnecessary tears.

“renjun, you’ve been _sad_. ever since I met you. I wanted to let go for a while so that you could breathe for yourself and realize your worth. I’m sorry, I should’ve been there with you.” renjun wipes his last tears and sniffs, trying to collect his thoughts.

“I think.. I think you pretend to hate happiness in order to make yourself believe that, if your life seems as an unhappy one, at least you’re the one who chose it. As if you wanted to have some control over your own unhappiness” jeno finally finished with a sigh. 

jeno waits for the other to say what he needs to, watching him just as calmly as the moon reflects its light down from the window upon them.

“I’ve realized everything I do is just.. mediocre. I do some things, have some passions.. I just, there’s not reason to _live_ so happily” renjun confesses, soft-spoken.

for a second, jeno feels like he’s talking to a stranger. he’s not talking to renjun. And he doesn’t know what the latter is going to do now that he feels this psychological distance greater than the physical distance they are apart from each other. Is he going to walk away and pretend like none of this happened? Is he going to say ‘never mind’ and make his way back home? jeno contemplates in silence until, 

“can I take you somewhere?” 

renjun looks up from his half-finished plate, slightly nodding and that’s enough for jeno to ask the waitress for the check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe watch ‘SIMON SAYS’ MV by NCT 127 to see why I chose that phrase on the ring.


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was listening to PYSCHO by RED VELVET and SUNSHINE by STRAY KIDS that’s why this is so SAD

jeno clicks his apartment door slowly and softly, trying not to make any startling noises. 

because his angel is sensitive, of course. because renjun is back in his apartment. back in the same living area, settling into the same couch as he was two months ago. and maybe it hurts a bit, maybe it hurts to breathe in the scent of jeno. 

“why are we here?” renjun softly questions as jeno takes both their coats and places them on the kitchen table. 

“because I want you. I wanna love you” he makes his way to renjun, who closes himself in tighter, fists gripping his pants and pushing his legs tighter into each other because he’s so _scared._

“b-but we broke up, _you_ broke up with me” his voice is small, a hint of whimpering held between words. jeno kneels in front of renjun, looking up at him- right into his eyes and searching, searching for the renjun he had held onto, who held onto him. searching for the Grace only renjun held that had turned him into a psycho. 

“but your here, and I know you well enough to know you want this, _need_ this” jeno’s eyes sparkle as he finally sees something in renjun change. the boy relaxes, his tense muscles fall into calm state as the breath he’d been holding is let go.

jeno’s eye smile. god, renjun can finally breathe well again. jeno’s presence— the boy is _right_ in front of him— is this real? he nods. 

“okay” renjun doesn’t say more and jeno doesn’t push him further with his words, he simply pecks his cheek as he’d wanted to do since they met again. 

jeno lifts himself and renjun follows him to his bedroom. once again, the door is shut with a soft click. 

renjun had walked into that room and his heart burning with lust and bliss. a mistake. he wants to turn around but once jeno pulls him up against the door for a deep kiss, he sighs, grabbing a fistful of his jet black hair. 

the smaller wraps his arms around jeno’s neck and grips his legs tightly around the younger’s waist. jeno spins, taking them to his bed and gently laying renjun down. 

with renjun’s petite and pale body splayed on the bed, jeno sighs in content.

jeno leans in, ever so slowly - giving renjun one last chance to turn away, to disregard the whole situation and leave. if the elder doesn't want to, he can dismiss this as a mistake— a joke even. he gives renjun time to push him away, as much as the thought hurts. the younger just hopes that it's not too much to dream that renjun could possibly want this too, unless he’s silently emrbacing the pain by himself, unable to reach out and tell jeno his fears.

as jeno’s seated on the edge of the bed with the mattress dipped slightly, inching closer and closer to renjun’s pretty soft lips, the elder props himself up first. he captured his lips into a gentle kiss, and jeno’s hand moves up to renjun’s jaw, pulled him closer.. deeper.

jeno pulls away from the kiss first so he can move onto the bed with renjun, his back layed out on the mattress as the smaller sits on his lap after jeno gently squeezes his inner thigh. 

renjun’s always the one to take the lead; commanding his baby what to do. he unbuttons jeno’s dress shirt, he kisses and leaves marks down jeno’s neck; there are blooming flowers of red and purple. 

they fall into the rhythm quickly. it’s alarming how easily they fit into each other after being gone for so long. but he doesn’t comment that. he doesn’t say much, only uses his hands that hold delicate fingers to guide and his lips that push all the emotions he can’t say aloud. 

renjun keeps his buttoned shirt on but removes his and jeno’s suit pants. 

with jeno’s cock twitching inside his briefs, he whines like a kitten and pushes his head back, shutting his eyes tightly as renjun uses his knee to push into his bulge.

he lets out a loder moan when renjun puts his mouth on the tip, licking some pre-cum that already formed. jeno knew well that renjun could take his whole length, but the slow pace renjun holds isnt enough right now so he pushes renjun’s head deep down until renjun squeezes his thigh- signaling the younger to lets go. jeno repeats until he feels he’s about to come and releases his grip from renjun completely. 

and renjun doesn’t complain, he doesn’t hesitate, he doesn’t argue.. he does whatever jeno wants. he’d felt tears pricking the corner of his eyes when the smell of jeno feels too much and his cock is at the back of his throat.

renjun coughs, collecting the spit and rubs it on jeno’s cock, gaining a moan in response. 

jeno grabs the lube and pours a generous amount onto his fingers while renjun turns around. his bubble butt right in front of jeno as he sinks his upper body to the bed, hiding his face behind a pillow.

jeno preps him. feels the tightness of renjun and sighs once he hears a muffled moan from the elder- signaling he had found his prostate. 

by now, both of them have stripped all clothing that had once been neatly covering themselves up. scars and skin are revealed, exposing everything of each other. 

jeno notices a few bruises on renjun’s arm and legs but doesn’t say a word, only kissing them lightly, almost ghosting his lips over them.

after adding a few fingers and thrusting in and out. renjun pokes his head out, trying to look at jeno.

“‘m ready” he says. jeno nods, pulling out his slick fingers and pumps his cock a few more times before renjun turns around, facing jeno. 

renjun sees jeno’s eyes glisten under the muted moonlight streaming from the dark sky through the window. and the emotions bubbling from his chest are too much so he focuses back on inserting himself in jeno. 

he’s forgotten how _big_ the younger is once he’s completely in. he pushes himself, thrusting in and out of jeno and hisses at the pain. 

the pain from the tightness and the pain he’s held in. 

the younger meets his thrusts, hands searching for warmth as his eyes fall shut tightly. he finally reaches for renjun and pulls, their once comfortable distance apart from each other is now closed; jeno feels entrapped by the deep smell of sweat and coffee clouding jeno’s mind. they find each other’s lips quickly.

his lips are soft and they part in a way that feels delicate. all of renjun, jeno finally concludes, feels delicate— fragile. it didn’t feel enough to God when He created the elder that renjun should be as pretty as he looks. 

his skin, mouth, voice: just a piece of heaven held onto all of renjun— he’s here, an angel right in front of him jeno can’t help but moan out. 

renjun adores his moans, he picks himself up, now sitting on jeno and thrusting in and out while his tiny cock gains some friction against jeno’s abs.

“i missed you” jeno speaks his thoughts aloud and instantly regrets it. 

“you know you can’t-“ renjun lets tears fall as he stops, deep inside of jeno.

“I know, I’m sorry” jeno uses his elbow to cover his eyes as he thrusts into renjun. 

and they pick it back up as if nothing happened. 

this time renjun goes harder, faster to get jeno off quickly. he moans loudly and trembles when he feels jeno’s thrusts come untidy and sloppy.

“ah, ah, ah-“ renjun gasps, he feels his hole clench and jeno finally releases with a small warning. 

renjun continues to thrust in and out of jeno’s cock, because he remembered how much the boy loves feeling overstimulated as much as he denied it. 

finally pulling out, renjun collapses onto the bed, legs feeling weak with all the thrusting he’d done. jeno holds him up and they’re both facing each other. 

jeno grabs renjun’s tiny cock with his large hands and pumps up and down, quickly for renjun to release. 

and the boy does, white shoots out everywhere; on the perfectly white sheets, on jeno’s fist, on himself and jeno’s torso.

after both their heart rates slow down, jeno gets out of bed and grabs a towel, wiping both himself and renjun clean. once back on the bed, he drops himself next to renjun.

renjun selfishly takes in the radiating warmth from the jeno’s hold, his heart wanting more but his body doesn’t move an inch.

pale, glowing skin splayed against the white sheets so late at night, both renjun and jeno are nude. jeno’s blossoming bruises littered everywhere that had once been made by the elder.

  
  


renjun lies awake while jeno falls into a calm state, falling into sleep easily. his arms delicate and loosely holding onto renjun. 

renjun eyes glance through jeno’s features, one by one, from his lashes, his small red lips, his peach-tinted cheeks, and the natural glow from the cold sweat.

“angel..” he unconsciously whispers and his eyes look back at the ceiling. 

there was an unspoken message behind the words he spoke that day, the actions taken today, and it finally strikes renjun. 

he lifts jeno’s arm away from himself and throws the duvet sheets off his small body. the bed that had remained king size when they first moved in, the bed that held so many nights of love other than tonight- which was pure lust. 

renjun held many nights of never being able to dream softly, calmly in this bed. and tonight was like no other 

renjun dresses himself using the bright moon as his source of light. his briefs, his pants, shirt and socks. 

“where are you going?” a hoarse voice calls out to renjun, who’s small hand grips onto the cold door handle.

he drops his hand loosely from the handle, arm falling to his side. He takes a deep breath and turns his body, eyes stuck to the carpet. jeno shivers, its so cold.

“goodnight, jeno...” finally, renjun’s eyes meet jeno’s. and his eyes are so _sad_ that jeno cant bring himself to say more, he can’t bring himself to hold renjun in his arms. so he let’s the boy go. 

renjun turns, opens the door, and leaves.

“I missed you, too” he whispers before leaving the apartment. 

and jeno sits there, nude body hidden under duvet sheets, emotional state triggered because he thought he _had_ renjun. 

and the ring remains on his nightstand.


	3. iii

Repeated nights.

Jeno calls and asks renjun out to dinner, both of them eventually end up at his apartment, holding renjun nude and splayed out so beautifully. And renjun doesn’t have a clue to why he keeps going back to him, to jeno. Why he keeps agreeing, why he’s always so weak.

The pain is always there. When they’re holding each other, when they’re kissing. And every night, renjun feels more broken and torn apart than the last. 

Jeno doesn’t have a clue to what all of this has become. He wants to hold onto renjun and keep him secured. Every few days when renjun peels off his white dress shirt, there would be another bruise, another small cut.

Jeno cant bring himself to speak up about it, only kissing it.. as he did the first night. And renjun winces every time jeno’s lips peck delicately on his harsh mistakes that end up painted, splayed out on his skin. 

Its been their 20th night together, jeno keeps count- they both do, and never point it out to each other. And finally, jeno has the courage, he finishes his wine glass calmly, setting the cup down as he looks at renjun.

Tonight, renjun looks like a prince. His hair is dark brown and curled lightly. He’s wearing a business suit but instead of dark blue or black, its light purple.

“Renjun” jeno’s voice comes out more stern than he anticipated and renjun freezes from picking up the sushi. Renjun looks up, placing his chopsticks down.

And god, those eyes are sparkling again. Its like God collected all the brightest stars tonight and put them in renjun’s eyes.

Ever since the first day, renjun barely makes outfive sentences by the end of the night. He’d stop talking to jeno. And the younger understands- to some extent.. but he comes bored when he’s the only one talking during dinner.

“Where do your bruises come from?” He makes sure his voice is calmer, softer— so he doesn’t scare renjun. The elder sighs, his exhale of breath shaking. 

“Work” renjun looks down then around at all the other people dressed up and enjoying their food. His eyes never meet jeno’s when responding.

“Oh, did you get a new job? What happened to being an assistant to whats his name... yuta? Yeah..” jeno recalls the name, now more curious of what renjun has been up to. He’s always curious of the elder. 

“No, uh-“ renjun tries, “I-I still work for yuta..” his voice sounds more at ease today. Jeno notices the boy is calmer, “I guess I cant seem to pay attention these days” renjun breaths out a small laugh and quickly looks up to jeno’s sad eyes. The elder picks up his chopsticks again and takes a bite of the sushi.

“Do you still love me?” Jeno questions, his eyes never leaving renjun’s face. Renjun coughs at the question- shocked by the sudden change of topics.

He calms down and finally meets jeno’s eyes for more than a small moment.

“You know I do. That’s why I keep coming back...” his voice trails off to a whisper then eventually nothing. 

“But you could do so much better” 

“I know. But I want you, cant i have you?”

“I don’t... I don’t know”

“Why do you keep asking for me to come back then?”

“I just want to see you’re okay”

“But you know I’m not”

“I-I know it’s just-“ jeno sighs in defeat. He doesn’t know if he can love renjun as he did earlier but he cant stand the thought of him with another, “is there anything I can do?”

“We both know you can’t do anything. And thats okay.” Renjun smiles sadly. Its the first time in _ages_ , jeno feels like, that he’s gotten to see renjun smile, “let’s stop.. this” he says.

“But I need you-“

“No, no you don’t, jeno. We both know you don’t need me” renjun pays for his meal and starts to get up. Panic fills jeno’s lungs.

_ No, no, no, no. _

“I’ll.. I’ll get going first” renjun nods, picking up his phone to call jaemin. Tears start to well up in jeno and he grabs renjun’s wrist, pulling him out of the restaurant and into his car. 

“Let me out” renjun deadpans, unamused of jeno’s actions. Jeno pulls renjun into a kiss. The elder gasps at the sudden movement but accepts it.

“Last time” jeno breaths over renjun’s ear, barely over a whisper. But renjun hears it.

“Okay... last time” renjun nods, their foreheads touching each other.

And they make it to jeno’s apartment. 

Jeno wastes no time- he closes the bedroom door and removes all his clothes. It’s midnight now and he know’s renjun will leaves before the sun rises. That’s what he always does. 

Renjun takes off his clothes at a quicker pace after seeing jeno so desperate. Jeno kisses him roughly once he’s one the bed with him. He pushes renjun into the headboard as his hand cups his jaw. 

Renjun moans, he can feel jeno’s emotions flooding in. The boy is sad, angry, desperate.. in love...? He pushes those thoughts away and grabs a hold of jeno’s cock, pumping it a few times and jeno let’s out a squeaked moan.

“Please-“ jeno’s head falls onto renjun’s small chest and the other looks down at him.

“Hmm?” Renjun kisses the top of his black hair and stops moving his hand once he feels jeno thrusting in and out. 

“Please, _god_ , just do something” jeno wines into renjun and the other sighs, thinking. He makes a subtly movement to tell jeno he’s going to move around and jeno notices, getting off the warmth of the boy and feeling the room is colder than ever. 

Hidden secrets, cries, deep thoughts stay hidden in the dark... but they continue on, ignoring all the hurt between them.

Renjun gets on all fours, pushing himself into jeno’s cock and the other groans, rubbing his tip around renjun’s hole that at this point doesn’t need to be prepped. After teasing a bit, renjun whimpers.

“Hurry up” he wines. Jeno obeys, pushing into renjun quickly while renjun is trying to adjust, jeno pecks feathery kissing all along his back and up his shoulder blades until he feels renjun thrusting and he starts moving at a fast, rapid pace.

Renjun’s tiny hardened cock continuously slams his soft stomach and he cries, using an arm to wrap around jeno and kiss him while using the other to pump his cock, wanting to chase his release quickly. 

Jeno knows renjun loves kissing- loves giving them and receiving them so finally pushes all his emotions into them, kissing renjun passionately and renjun can _feel_ it.

After a few moments jeno pulls out, flipping renjun on his back after giving him a pillow to rest his head on and pushes himself back into renjun.

With his arms on either side of renjun’s head, the elder feels smaller and after, bushing a deeper red under the dark sky, in their dark room, jeno kisses him again- he pushes his way into renjun’s mouth.

He knows this may be the last time for them both so he takes his time while thrusting in and out. 

After a while, renjun turns his head so that jeno pulls away from the kiss, both of them catching their breaths and jeno uses one hand to hold renjun’s wrists above his head with his elbow holding himself up while using his other hand to hold and pump renjun’s cock.

Renjun cries— he moans and arches his back so perfectly because he remembers the first time jeno did this, when they were together and now its _more than_ too much for him.

“Jeno-“ the first time since they broke up he’d say his name in bed.

“Jeno, jen- j-jeno gonna-“ he shuts his eyes tightly while jeno nods contently, gazing softly at renjun

“Go ahead, angel. Im right here” 

Renjun feels more tears stream down his rosy cheeks as he finally comes, strings of white spilling everywhere while jeno continues to thrust. Finally chasing his release, jeno moans out, slowing his thrusts while he comes in renjun.

3:00 AM

Renjun’s still in bed and jeno doesn’t say anything. He loves the warmth, he loves his company.

3:30AM

The sun would rise by 3:56 AM, jeno grows more confused then happy, is renjun okay?

3:56AM

The sun starts rising, the dark room turning lighter with the cold shimmers of the winter day streaming through the window.

4:00AM

Renjun turns to face jeno.

“You look really pretty in the sun” and pushes his head to jeno’s chest, holding onto jeno and falling into a calm sleep.

Jeno’s eyebrows knit in confusion but holds renjun, he holds him lie never before- his fingers graze through renjun’s dark locks while he hugs him. This time, jeno can’t go to sleep.

“I love you” jeno confidently whispers.. he’s sure of himself. He needs renjun and renjun needs him. 

And maybe, slowly, they’ll heal together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ig + twt: @/huangelics


End file.
